Golfers: Be ready with an IF!

Golfers: Be ready with an IF! By Bob Karolevitz As I've said before, poets write best when they are suffering.

Well, I've just finished one of my infrequent rounds of golf, and, boy, am I suffering!

That, of course, generated my annual golf poem � which, unfortunately, describes some obvious weaknesses of my game.

The Golfer's "IF"

IF is just a tiny word

That golfers use a lot:

An alibi to help explain

Each duffed and errant shot.

You've heard it many times, I'm sure,

As each hole is replayed �

Those iffy-est excuses for

The par that wasn't made.

For instance:

My partner coughed just as I drove.

If he'd been more discreet,

I never would have topped the ball

And dribbled twenty feet.

I shanked my next drive in the rough.

It made me more moroser.

I would have got it out in two,

If they had mowed it closer.

If that old elm had not reached out

To grab my Maxi-fli,

I never would have found myself

With such a lousy lie.

If all those other trees were gone �

Those cottonwoods and oaks �

I know my posted handicap

Would drop by twenty strokes.

And if I'd missed those traps of sand �

They doubled up my score �

My wedge just wasn't working, and

I must admit I swore.

If I had used another club

To reach the yonder green,

I never would have overshot;

I hit the ball so clean.

If I had kept my dumb head down,

Instead of looking up,

My chip shot wold have landed just

Six inches from the cup.

And if I'd had a gimme

On that easy tap-in putt,

I would have won the money;

I'd have kept my wallet shut.

Four-letter words might bring relief,

But they don't help your game.

An IF is more important when

There's nothing else to blame.

And so when you are on the course,

Embarrassed as you whiff,

Remember to take my advice:

Be ready with an IF!

© 1998 Robert F. Karolevitz

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