Between the Lines

Between the Lines By David Lias Now that the election is over, and all of those campaign commercials are no longer littering the airwaves of television and radio, it's easy to experience a letdown.

I mean, some candidates' ads were so goofy, they were a bit sad and yet entertaining at the same time.

So, how can you receive your daily quotient of goofy, sad, yet slightly entertaining humor? You're in luck. Today you can call me the bad humor boy.

I offer these bits of questionable levity to help you make it through the day:

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?


What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?


What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

Ole drove from Vermillion to Fargo. After several hours, he saw a sign that said "Fargo left," so he turned around and went home.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?

A pachydermatologist.

What is a zebra?

26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?


And what kind of lettuce?


What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a no legged dog?

Right were you left him.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

"The sense of humor is the oil of life's engine. Without it the machinery creaks and groans. No lot is so hard, no aspect of life so grim, that cannot be relaxed by a hearty laugh."

G.S. Merrium

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