Bob writes ‘Golfer’s If’ through his tears

Bob writes 'Golfer's If' through his tears by Bob Karolevitz It�s time for my annual golf poem again. I�m writing through tears because I just played another round. I was inspired by my lamentations.

The Golfer�s If

If is such a tiny word,

But oh how large it gets

When golfers spew their alibis

Excuses and regrets.

If someone would have

cut that tree

That gobbled up my ball,

I would have been on

yonder green,

I hasten to recall.

If all that sand had

not been there,

I�m here to tell you folks.

My wedge was just

not functioning;

It cost me seven strokes.

If I had used another club

To add on thirty yards,

I would have had a birdie, but

It wasn�t in the cards.

That water hole is such a jinx;

I always hear the splash.

If someone would have drained the thing,

My teeth I wouldn�t gnash.

If when I chipped it

up that time,

So close, but no cigar.

It�s sad to say my

scorecard showed

A ten and not a par.

If I were on the Senior�s Tour,

I could have made the cut �

If someone hadn�t

coughed to make

Me miss a four-inch putt.

And it is so embarrassing,

I must admit it, if

My partners hadn�t

seen me when

I made a mighty whiff.

If I had listened to the pro

And taken his advice,

I�d keep it in the fairway, and

I wouldn�t hook or slice.

If I could have

three Mulligans,

Instead of only one,

My score would be

much better, and

I�d prob�ly have more fun.

If when they add our totals up

To show the world my plight,

I�d be a winner if they had

A twenty-seventh flight.

If I had kept my dumb

head down,

When I approached the tee,

I never would have duffed

my drive.

My handicap is me!

� 1999 Robert F. Karolevitz

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