Bob writes 'Golfer's If' through his tears by Bob Karolevitz It�s time for my annual golf poem again. I�m writing through tears because I just played another round. I was inspired by my lamentations.
The Golfer�s If
If is such a tiny word,
But oh how large it gets
When golfers spew their alibis
Excuses and regrets.
If someone would have
cut that tree
That gobbled up my ball,
I would have been on
yonder green,
I hasten to recall.
If all that sand had
not been there,
I�m here to tell you folks.
My wedge was just
not functioning;
It cost me seven strokes.
If I had used another club
To add on thirty yards,
I would have had a birdie, but
It wasn�t in the cards.
That water hole is such a jinx;
I always hear the splash.
If someone would have drained the thing,
My teeth I wouldn�t gnash.
If when I chipped it
up that time,
So close, but no cigar.
It�s sad to say my
scorecard showed
A ten and not a par.
If I were on the Senior�s Tour,
I could have made the cut �
If someone hadn�t
coughed to make
Me miss a four-inch putt.
And it is so embarrassing,
I must admit it, if
My partners hadn�t
seen me when
I made a mighty whiff.
If I had listened to the pro
And taken his advice,
I�d keep it in the fairway, and
I wouldn�t hook or slice.
If I could have
three Mulligans,
Instead of only one,
My score would be
much better, and
I�d prob�ly have more fun.
If when they add our totals up
To show the world my plight,
I�d be a winner if they had
A twenty-seventh flight.
If I had kept my dumb
head down,
When I approached the tee,
I never would have duffed
my drive.
My handicap is me!
� 1999 Robert F. Karolevitz
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