Monument hopes it's not taken for granite By Bob Karolevitz I got to thinking the other day about the four presidents on Mount Rushmore and what they'd say if they could talk to each other.
Here's how their conversation might go.
Abraham Lincoln: "Look at all those people down there. I think they've all got cameras, too. They're shooting pictures of us like it was going out of style."
George Washington: "The way they're using up all that film, you'd think Gutzon Borglum had a contract with Eastman Kodak when he carved our faces in this rock."
Teddy Roosevelt: "D'ya think those folks are taking us for granite? (Pause) That's a pun, son."
Other three: (Groan)
Teddy: "Well, I could have said we were stoned."
Other three: (Groan again)
Thomas Jefferson: "Come on, guys. Let's get serious. What do you think about the political situation these days?"
George: "Frankly, it's hard for me to relate. I never had any opposition, you know."
Abe: "They really cut me up in my time. I'm just glad there wasn't any television then. I'd look awful on camera."
George: "Yes, I know. I'd hate to make the circuit and answer all those dumb questions put to me by Dan Rather, Larry King and Ted Koppel. And wouldn't Jay Leno and Dave Letterman make fun of me for standing up in the boat when we crossed the Delaware?"
Tom: "I think the polls pretty much control things. Don't you?"
Teddy: "Balderdash! Look what Harry Truman did to Tom Dewey. He didn't give two hoots about Gallup and all the rest of the number-crunchers. All he did was win."
Tom: "Yes, but the polling is supposed to be more sophisticated these days. For instance, they can tell us how all left-handed Irishmen with grade school educations will vote. Or what percentage of dowager ladies on Social Security will cast their ballots for what particular candidate."
Teddy: "Tommyrot! I say the secret ballot is the ultimate poll."
George: "Do you think big oil will be a factor in this election? We were still using whale oil in my day."
Abe: "The price of gas might turn some voters off, and I think the ethanol folks will be heard from � but I don't believe it will sway the outcome one way or the other. I kind of think the debates will do it, like the kind I had with Steve Douglas."
Teddy: "To change, the subject a bit, what's all this I hear about another ex-president joining us up here? I kind of like it with just the four of us."
Tom: "I don't think the rock structure would allow it; and, besides that, the choices aren't too good these days."
George: "I don't understand all the new technology, but I suppose they can just touch up our pictures on a computer. Then they can put anybody they want with us."
Teddy: "All I know is that I wouldn't want them to deface our mountain anymore."
Other three: (Groan)
© 2000 Robert F. Karolevitz