This stuff is headed for trash can

This stuff is headed for trash can by Bob Karolevitz As we approach another year end, it�s time to clean out my files once again.

I clip almost everything � Phyllis calls me her Polish pack rat � but then you never know when one dinky item will develop into an entire column.

Following, then, are the near-misses for 2001, and so they are relegated to the literary dust bin.

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Somewhere I got this Georgia cracker joke which Alabamans like to tell:

�Didja hear about the governor�s mansion in Atlanta burning down? It dang near wiped out the whole trailer park.�

And the Georgians responded:

�In Alabama they raised the drinking law to 32. They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.�

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Anybody can go to heaven on a tombstone!

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For some reason I collected names of rock �n Roll bands � but I don�t know why.

Among them are the Vulgar Boatmen, Iron Prostate, Elvis Hitler, Vowel Movement and Coal Porter.

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Herbert Hoover: �Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.�

There�s also the bumper sticker I liked: �Honk if you like peace and quiet.�

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Did you notice that I�ve never mentioned bin What�s-His-Name in any of my columns?

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Some advice: You should never answer any anonymous letter!

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They�ll know you�re from South Dakota if your snow blower has more miles on it than your car, if your idea of sexy lingerie is a flannel nightgown or if you�ve spent 15 minutes dressing a child to play in the snow � and then he tells you he has to go potty.

They�ll also know you�re from South Dakota if you can pronounce Pierre, Lead, Huron and Sinai correctly.

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Satchel Paige�s advice for achieving long life: �Avoid running at all times. Never look back. Something might be gaining on you.�

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They�ll know you�re a farm wife if taking lunch to the field is as close as you�ll ever come to a picnic, if your second vehicle is a pickup, if duct tape is always on your shopping list and your name is taped to the underside of a cake pan.

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Then there was the Norwegian who won a gold medal at the Olympics, and he was so proud of it that he had it bronzed.

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And here�s a poem I start writing but never finished:

I think that I shall ever see

A blizzard that appears to me;

A blizzard with its drifts house-deep

And howling winds which disrupt sleep.

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No child ever throws up in the bathroom!

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And speaking of children, here are some of their unvarnished answers in Bible school:

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

St. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

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Beethoven was so deaf he wrote loud music!

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And finally a prayer from the Neighbor Lady:

�Lord, fill my mouth (or column) with good stuff and nudge me when I�ve said enough.�

� 2001 Robert F. Karolevitz

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