Who knows when Bob's 'someday' will come by Bob Karolevitz To accumulate, according to Webster�s Dictionary, is to heap up, to pile, to amass and to hoard. I guess I do all those things, and Phyllis has had it up to here with me.
�What are you saving that for?� she questioned, as she pointed to a stack of old newspapers.
�I might need them for research someday,� I answered ever so feebly.
�They�ve been here for 20 years and the ?someday� has never come,� she retorted. �Get rid of them!�
Well, she certainly knows how to hurt a guy. I�ve been saving those papers and lots of miscellaneous clippings for a good reason. I�m sure they�ll come in handy if I ever get around to reading them.
The same goes for all those old magazines Phyllis wants me to throw out before I have a chance to go through them.
�Look at those dates,� she continued. �Some are older than our kids who are in their 40s. You�re about as apt to read them as I am to drive in a NASCAR race.�
She also eyed all those cans of mismatched nuts and bolts, cotter keys, door knobs, hooks and hinges I haven�t found a use for yet. She�ll probably want me to discard them, too.
�And I suppose you�re going to tell me that ?someday� you�ll straighten those nails you�ve been saving by the buckets-ful,� she went on ruthlessly.
�Sure,� I said in self-defense. �I may want to build something, and they�ll be just what I need.�
�Build, schmuild,� she grumbled. �Your construction abilities are even less than your mechanical talents.�
I winced when I remembered how I screwed up our leaky toilet flush tank � before we called in a real plumber.
Phyllis gets that disposal yen every springtime, and usually I just out-wait her until the urge goes away. But this time, though, I don�t think my stalling tactics will work. I noticed a new immediacy in her voice.
She wants action, and she wants it NOW!
I tell her that all that stuff in the spareroom, the garage and the granary is really my security blanket. Getting rid of it will do irreparable damage to my psyche, whatever that is.
I may be the first guy to go to a psychiatrist�s couch over the loss of old newspapers, pre-Reagan Reader�s Digests, belt clamps and wing nuts.
However, once again Phyllis is in a cleaning mode, and apparently there is nothing I can do about it. My rear-guard strategy is obviously not going to work, and getting a judge to issue a cease-and-desist order might have a negative effect on our marriage.
So being the dutiful husband that I am, I�ll start right away working on those bent nails.
By the time I get them hammered straight, maybe she�ll be too busy with her dust cloth to care about all those other things I�ve been squirreling away.
� 2002 Robert F. Karolevitz