Oog shares perspective on today's issues by Bob Karolevitz I used my fantastic Time Machine to bring Oog, the caveman, up to the present time.
I wanted to ask him a few questions about things that have bothered me a lot lately.
Of course, Oog was at a disadvantage because he had just learned to stand upright and could only talk with grunts and mumbles. He also was not abreast with Iraq, gay marriages and stuff like that, so his comments left a lot to be desired.
However, I learned to translate his speech into English, so at least I found out how he thinks about some things.
Following, then, is our question-and-answer conversation.
Q. Tell me, Oog, what do you think about the tax on food?
A. If someone would charge me an extra spear point for a hunk of brontosaurus meat, I'd do my shopping elsewhere. I'm one of those low-income guys, and I need all the spear points I can hold on to.
Q. Yes, but don't you want to contribute to make things better?
A. No sabre-toothed tiger or tyrannosaurus rex gives a hoot about me. The fellow in the fancy cave next door � who just invented the wheel, incidentally � is better able to give a few extra spear points than me.
Q. How about Homeland Security? What if somebody attacks you?
A. See this club I've got? It's all the security I need.
Q. A terrorist might have his eye on your cave. Don't you want help to stop him?
A. What's a terrorist? Frankly, there are lots of bad people out there, so I'm keeping my club handy.
Q. What would you do to a company head � we call them CEOs � who skuttles the business and then runs off with lots of money?
A. First off, we don't have corporations here, but if we did, we'd sure keep an eye on the leader and the folks who advise him. Anybody who steals from the common guy should be fed to the pterodactyls.
Q. Is your meat safe to eat?
A. Oh, we've got something called mad mammoth disease here, but we don't worry about it. I've never really liked elephant steaks anyhow.
Q. What do you think of our electoral college?
A. If you ask me, it's a big joke. The person who gets the most votes ought to win. It's as simple as that.
Q. You sound like a liberal. Do you cavemen divide people up that way?
A. If you mean that I'm for the little guy, then I'm a liberal. On the other hand, if I want to protect my cave, I'm a conservative. We don't make that differentiation around here.
Q. One last question: Is if possible that you don't know which side you're on?
A. I don't believe in choosing up sides. You Americans are great at backing something or somebody just because everybody else does.
I guess I'm what you'd call a maverick, if I can use that Texas term here.
Unfortunately, Oog, your machine time is up, so you'll have to go back to where you've come from. I guess it's called pre-history.
However, it's good to get a caveman's perspective on subjects of the day.
By the way, if it can be worked out, have you ever thought about running for president?
© 2004 Robert F. Karolevitz