No-carb craze: What's a gal to do? by Bob Karolevitz Phyllis is frustrated!
She doesn't know if she can use her pancake flour � because it's white.
I could tell right away that she's been reading those no-carb diet pitches, and that's what has her shook up.
Being a farmer's daughter, she knew that no meal is complete without potatoes. Now they are the first to go (although the spuds people are fighting back).
And homemade bread � crammed with carbohydrates � was what she always took in sandwich form to the men in the fields, so they would have enough energy to keep plowing, harrowing or whatever they did. Now white bread is a no-no, even when it's wrapped around no-carb chicken.
What's a gal supposed to do?
If she falls for all that no-carb hype, there'll be no more spaghetti or noodles at our house. That goes for pizzas, doughnuts, cookies and angel food cake, too.
She'll also monitor my intake of sugar, because � as my encyclopedia says � it's a "relatively simple carbohydrate" which causes all sorts of bad things in the body.
"We'll just have to eat lots of tofu then," I said, grimacingly. "Besides that, you won't have to make lefse next Christmas because those Norwegian delicacies are mostly all potatoes anyhow."
Thank goodness, though, all those diet plans have loads of good stuff to choose from, like eggs, nuts, avocados, meats, apples, fish and cheese. Of course, there's broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, too, but then we can't have everything!
All of this is in the name of good health and the war on obesity. No-carb, they say, guarantees slimness � but they don't tell you about side effects like possible gallstones, hair loss, crabbiness and bad breath.
The latter is called ketosis, and I threw that in just so you'd know I researched the subject.
Those diet fad folks think of everything besides the side effects, though. They've even got a "great clothes swap," which lets the skinny ones ��who have lost weight on the no-carb plan � pass on items which no longer fit to others.
(I wonder if that includes neckties, too.)
Despite all the negatives, I congratulate all those who fight the "battle of the bulge." They are to be lauded and not sneered at.
However, I doubt if the various diet crazes really work. Mostly the pounds come back on. I like the old-fashioned way best: a little of this and a little bit of that � in moderation.
Consequently, I hope that Phyllis is just reading the no-carb propaganda to keep well informed. I'd hate to think that she'd quit mashing potatoes so she could get into a size 8 dress again.
© 2004 Robert F. Karolevitz