A caveman’s version of Edward R. Murrow

A caveman's version of Edward R. Murrow
I used my Trusty Time Machine (TTM) to find out what Oog, the caveman, thinks about things in general. Here is the gist of the interview:

TTM � Greetings, Oog! Apparently you are enjoying life in the cave.

Oog � Everything was fine until they diagnosed that brontosaurus with mad dinosaur disease. Now I don't know what to eat.


TTM � Did you ever try a Woolly Mammoth? I know they're big and hard to hunt, but they haven't got the malady yet.

Oog � I've thought about them, but I don't know what to do with all that meat since refrigeration hasn't been invented yet. Actually I prefer a pterodactyl drumstick.

TTM � Needless to say, your wife would know what to do with those Woolly Mammoth cutlets.

Oog � Oh, her? She's off to a feminist meeting some place. They're probably talking about abortion, as we speak.

TTM � But then you've got that guy thing to substitute for her involvement with the ladies.

Oog � Yes, the fellow in the next cave and I can always go to the stone wheel race. That was the beginning of NASCAR in your time, incidentally.

TTM � To change the subject, we've now got a big thing going on with immigration. Do you have any trouble with that here?

Oog � Oh, a couple of Neanderthals showed up, but we solved that dilemma before it got out of hand.

TTM � Of course they didn't do work that you refused to do.

Oog � We don't have that problem here. Of course, none of us work. Besides that the rocks are too big for them, and us, too. So we don't move them around to make our cave look pretty. Whoever heard of landscaping?

TTM � Then you don't worry about green cards either. Who knows? They might be counterfeit.

Oog � Anything carved in stone is good enough for me.

TTM � Do you have mountain lions here?

Oog � No, but an occasional Sabre-tooth Tiger wanders by.

TTM � Can you hunt them?

Oog � Yes, but you've got to be quick. One recently mauled a lady who tried to calm the beast by saying "Nice kitty, kitty." It didn't work.

TTM � You have weapons, don't you?

Oog � I've got a club, but I mostly use it on my wife. That abuse thing hasn't affected us any.

TTM � What do you do about health care?

Oog � We don't worry about that. After all, if we get to be 30 something, that's about all we can expect. We don't need Medicare D.

TTM � I suppose you don't have AARP either?

Oog � That assumes that we have retired persons. Shucks, we don't live that long!

TTM � You have fossil fuels here. The oil just oozes up out of the ground, and it now sells for more than 70 dollars a barrel. No wonder you don't have three-dollar gas!

Oog � Gas? What's that?

Oog � Here comes a Woolly Mammoth down the trail, so I better go get my club. Maybe he'll die of a heart attack; that's the only way I'll get my steaks.

TTM � I guess the interview is over because Oog, the caveman, has gone. Oh well, he answered all my questions before that prehistoric elephant showed up. But I wonder what a pterodactyl drumstick tastes like!

� 2006 Robert F. Karolevitz

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