Bob consults caveman regarding today’s issues

Bob consults caveman regarding today's issues
I used my Reverse Time Machine to have another conversation with Oog, the caveman, and I thought you'd like to hear what he has to say about things which affect all of us. Here's a report of our conflab.

Writer-at-Large: Greetings, Oog; I've got a few questions I want to ask you.

Oog: Okay, but make it snappy because I've got a dead hairy mammoth I want to butcher.

W-at-L: It won't take long – unless you are loquacious.

Oog: Loquacious? What's that? Don't use big words around me. I haven't graduated from finger-painting on the cave's wall yet.

W-at-L: Oh, you're in to hieroglyphics?

Oog: Hieroglyphics? That's another big word. You better stop it, or I'll sic my pet pterodactyl on you. What did you want to ask me?

W-at-L: Let's see? What do you think about the election? Are you a Democrat or Republican?

Oog: We don't choose up sides around here. And we don't engage in that silliness called politics. We don't allow stone-carved yard signs to mess up our lawns, such as they are.

W-at-L: But you must choose a cave supervisor. Don't they have to run every other year?

Oog: We have something called term limits. We don't want our snoopervisor to become too fond of his job, so we throw him out when he gets to liking the position.

W-at-L: But doesn't that cause you to lose experience? And I noticed you used male pronouns when you talked about your snoopervisors, as you called them. Don't you allow women to run?

Oog: In answer to your first question, we don't care about losing experience. After all, it doesn't take much know-how to be a politician. And regarding your second question, no! Women have enough work to do keeping the cave swept out and raising the kids. Besides that, they'd soon have us deciding what to do about abortion.

W-at-L: According to the polls, they're against capital punishment, too. What are your views on that?

Oog: Well, I believe in an eye for an eye in most cases, but since most deaths are caused by saber-tooth tigers hereabouts, we're lucky to be alive, so we don't have much of a decision to make.

W-at-L: How do you stand on the provision of health care?

Oog: We don't live long enough to worry about that. If we have a toothache, we go to the local witch doctor, and he will do his voodoo for a brontosaurus steak. There's no need for all that paper work.

W-at-L: Do you gamble?

Oog: Sure. Just last night I lost two leopard skins in a game called Find the Pea, and my wife won't let me hear the end of it.

W-at-L: Our county commissioners are debating on whether to raise the wheel tax. What do you think about that?

Oog: We haven't invented the wheel yet. A guy in the next cave says he's come pretty close, but he doesn't know whether to make it square or round. We'll forgo the tax question until he decides which way is best.

W-at-L: We've got more to ask you, but we don't want to hold up your butchering job. There's nothing worse than a spoiled hairy mammoth.

Oog: Thanks a bunch! I'll give you a trunk sandwich for your thoughtfulness.


I turned off the Reverse Time Machine then. I didn't want a hairy mammoth trunk sandwich anyhow.

© 2006 Robert F. Karolevitz

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