Global warming means no more long johns

Global warming means no more long johns
I just set a record. I got rid of my long johns and it was still March!

I wrote a column about long underwear last year, but this is so special that I feel comfortable writing another one � even though it goes against my plan never to do a repeat on subject matter.

I put them on in the first week of October when the weather begins to get a bit chilly, and I usually take them off about the 15th of April. But not this year!

I may be the proof Al Gore needs for global warming!

"What are you doing taking them off so early?" Phyllis wanted to know. "Don't you understand the temperatures can dip down to the 40s, and you will freeze to death?"

"That doesn't scare me," I reply warmly. "I can stand it no matter how cold it gets as long as it stays above 40 degrees."

But she has a point there. She may enjoy the Eskimo � type weather, however, I prefer the Tahitian kind.

So I said goodbye to my long johns. "I'll see you again next fall," I mumbled hopefully to myself. "She's just trying to frighten me, that's all."

There's a down-side, however. Besides making it harder for me to dress and undress, I don't model the long johns like I used to.

"You look kinda funny in them, the way they accentuate your bowleggedness," Phyllis chortled gleefully. "You'd make a good cowboy; at least you've got the legs for it," she continued, while I tried to come up with a suitable rejoinder about my legs. Huh, she should have seen me in my BVDs!

Anyway, it gave me a second excuse to set my new record, besides the weather. But the change of temps is still the main reason.

As I wrote last year, everybody should have a pair of long johns because it feels so good to take them off for another season. I spent a winter in Korea without them, and I nearly froze my fanny off. I think I envied the Chinese enemy because they looked so warm. They probably had their version of them under their uniforms.

Now that I have shed that gosh-awful cocoon, I should be happy, but I read somewhere that South Dakota can get snow up until May. I'd hate to have to put my underwear on again for that would nullify my achievement of which I am justifiably proud.

I should get a medal for that. Not everyone can be so brave as to challenge Jack Frost by exposing himself to the elements like I have.

Needless to say, I have put my long johns in the drawer for this year. I just hope the TV meteorologists cooperate by not forecasting another cold front coming down from Canada.

Al Gore and I wouldn't appreciate it!

© 2007 Robert F. Karolevitz

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