I found Oog chipping away on a rock. I guess he was making something, like a Stone Age iPod, but maybe I was wrong.
At any rate, I interrupted his "work," and we had the following conversation:
WaL: "Hi, Oog. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
Oog: "Naw, I don't mind. All I was doing was inventing a wheel, and you've set history back by about 10,000 years by interrupting me."
WaL: "I'm sorry, but I need answers to take back to 2007 A.D."
Oog: "Apology accepted. Now go ahead and ask your #%!!*&! questions."
WaL: "Can you tell me if you are part of the Paleolithic age or neolithic period?"
Oog: "That's a hard one. We call it the Stone Age, but who cares what it's labeled except a few paleontologists? All I know is that we've got a lot of rocks around here."
WaL: "Are those hollycoks by your entryway? I understand you won Cave of the Month recently. Was it because of the flowers you planted?"
Oog: "That was my wife who planted them. She's a member of the garden club, you know. They plant flowers and rumors, by the way."
WaL: "To change the subject, did you know we executed a young criminal recently?"
Oog: "No kidding! Do you know what we do to keep violent crime from happening around here?"
WaL: "I'm supposed to be asking the questions, but what do you do?"
Oog: "We just take the guilty ones out to the tyrannosaurus rex territory, and if they can outrun those man-eating monsters, they go free. We've tried it with sabertooth tigers, but it turned out that was unconstitutional (if we have a constitution), so we had our shamans change that.
WaL: "That's sort of the way it was worked out in our case. By the way, we might have a black or lady president. What do you think of that?"
Oog: "We are not as enlightened as you are, but the garden club ladies are getting stronger. Race doesn't mean a thing to us because we're all in this thing together."
WaL: "What do you do with terrorists?"
Oog: "We just feed them to the tyrannosauruses. They don't get set free if they outrun the beasts."
WaL: "In other words, that's your Homeland Security system, isn't it?"
Oog: "That's right. We don't clutter it up with a lot of other things. Can I get back to my wheel now?"
WaL: "That's all of the questions I've got for you at the moment. The wheel is more important to civilization anyhow. Be sure you make it round!"
� 2007 Robert F. Karolevitz