‘Zucchini wizard’ disaffects friends, loved ones

'Zucchini wizard' disaffects friends, loved ones
Another reason for moving to the city from the farm is that we don't have a garden – and this is zucchini season.

I can grow zucchini – and horseradish – like a horticulture expert when I can't grow carrots, beets, cucumbers or cabbage. It (zucchini) always comes up no matter how I plant it – or where! (I couldn't even spell zucchini, until I got my spell-check.)

I could stick the seeds in the concrete sidewalk, and it wouldn't make any difference. I'm a zucchini wizard, that's what I am.

The trouble is it propagates endlessly, and I didn't know what to do with my bountiful crop. I gave it away until I lost my friends – both of them!!

"Here comes the zucchini man again, and he'll try to give us some more," I heard them say under their breath. Needless to say, I cut off anyone who didn't appreciate my largesse, until I didn't have anyone left.

So I had to eat the stuff myself. I hate zucchini! We've had zucchini salads, zucchini pizza, zucchini cakes and bread.

I think we even had zucchini soup.

We've had it fried, broiled, fricasseed and pickled. There's no way we haven't had that summer squash.

Phyllis even concocted a recipe with chicken, and with it she won the South Dakota Chicken Cooking Contest. That qualified her for the national competition in Birmingham, AL, and we went.

Birmingham in August yet. You think it's hot in South Dakota – you should try Alabama!

But this story is about zucchini, so I shouldn't be sidetracked by heat in Birmingham.

Sometimes when I left the garden for a few minutes, the zucchini grew to the size of watermelons. That didn't matter because, at the time, we had chickens. I'd just take my little hatchet and cut the oversized zucchini in half, and the "biddies," who weren't as particular as I was, enjoyed a vegetable meal on me.

A zucchini leads a charmed life. How else could it survive in a hostile world?

I think I've had something to do with its survival rate. After all, I planted it even though I don't like the stuff.

Maybe that's the secret of its longevity. People like me keep it alive because it grows so readily.

I'm even thinking of sticking a few seeds in the ground around my city dwelling. They'll always grow – and then I'll have the problem of getting rid of my bounty again.

Oh well, it's better than planting things that don't come up. One thing I know is that I won't add to the world's surplus of eatables.

And speaking of surpluses, my three plants always produced more than I wanted, and that was none.

I'm hoping my city plants do not come up either. That'll be the end of zucchinis. For me, anyhow!

© 2007 Robert F. Karolevitz

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