Neolithic denizen expresses indifference to politics, ethanol

Neolithic denizen expresses indifference to politics, ethanol
Several people have asked me how come a guy with Atypical Parkinson's disease continues to write a light-hearted column. Well, it ain't easy!

The skeptics included Oog, the Neanderthal caveman, whom I visited with via my trusty Reverse Time Machine.

Oog: "Just what is that Atypical Parkinson's thing anyhow?"


W-A-L: "It's just a malady that slows me up, that's all. The 'Atypical' means I have most of the symptoms, but not all of them. For instance, I don't have hand tremors like a regular patient does."

Oog: "Oh, I see. But what does the 'Parkinson's' mean?"

W-A-L: "It means I've got the disease, but the treatment is a puzzlement. My handwriting is atrocious; I can't express myself verbally very well; my balance is goofy – I fall a lot – and I need help walking and getting up. But I can still do my column!"

Oog: " In other words, you're a medical enigma."

W-A-L: "I wouldn't say that. The docs will take care of it. How do I write a column? I get an idea and then one-finger it on the electric typewriter. I make lots of mistakes, so Phyllis types the final draft on the computer keyboard. She also takes it to the Observer and the post office.

But enough about me. Did you know we might have a lady president?"

Oog: "No, and I don't care. We don't let our women go on the campaign trail. Say, what's a president anyhow?"

W-A-L: "He (or she) is the ruler of the roost. He (or she) can kill a bill with a veto."

Oog: "Is a bill anything like a pterodactyl? I can kill one of them. Does that qualify me to be president?"

W-A-L: "I don't think so. It takes more than killing pterodactyls, although that would be a good test. It's better than those contrived debates and raising lots of money."

Oog: "What's all that money for anyway?"

W-A-L: "I guess it's for making television executives richer, and to see that all of the political workers have jobs. It used to be that even a poor man could win."

Oog: "In other words, you Americans want your presidents to be born poor and be worth a lot of bucks when you elect them."

W-A-L: "Well, money means a lot. Would you vote for a guy who wasn't successful or have a bigger cave than yours?"

Oog: "No, but if he could provide me with a ton of brontosaurus meat, I'd consider it. But why do you have to talk politics every time we get together? Don't you have anything else on your mind?"

W-A-L: "Politics is so important. We could also talk about ethanol, but you wouldn't know about that."

Oog: "I understand it has something to do with gasoline, but we don't care about that stuff because we've got oil bubbling up all around us. Why don't we just have a woolly mammoth sandwich instead of talking so much? You can go back to your Reverse Time Machine, and I can go back to my rock pile."

© 2007 Robert F. Karolevitz

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