What’s "UP" with the English Language?

Every now and then somebody comes up with something in e-mails which proves that English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger.  There are neither apples or pines in pineapple and the guinea pig is neither from Guiana nor is it a pig. 

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?  If one moose is moose, why aren't two mooses meese?

In English boxing rings are square and quicksand moves slowly.  If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

No two letter word causes more trouble than the word UP.  It is easy to understand UP meaning towards the sky but in the morning why do we wake UP?  Furthermore at a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends.  And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

When it rains it often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

There are multiple uses for the simple word UP, so it's time to shut UP!

© 2009 Robert F. Karolevitz

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