Here are a few classified ads which I DON'T intend to use in a column.
You're welcome to them!
Georgia peaches – California grown. 95 cents per pound.
Cows for sale – never bred; also one gay bull.
Nordic track, never used. Call Chubby.
Washer and dryer. Must sell, joining Nudist Colony.
Wedding dress for sale. Worn once by MISTAKE.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. Just married, wife knows it all.
Free puppies – one-half Cocker Spaniel – one half sneaky neighbor's dog.
Cute kitten for sale – two cents or best offer.
American flag – 60 stars. Pole included.
Snow blower. Only used when it snows.
Charmin Ultra Bathroom tissue – never used.
Nice parachute – never opened – used once.
American made doll clothing – manufactured in China.
Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Three canaries of undetermined sex.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Wanted: unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit one.
Built in double ovens – frost free.
Used tombstone: perfect for someone named Homer HendelBergenHenizel.
Now you can see why I'm willing to give these away! They aren't good for anything else.
© 2010 Robert F. Karolevitz