MyStoryYourStory: If this, do that – common advice for uncommon things

I pride myself in having good timing, knowing what needs to be done when, where, why and how. It could be women's intuition or just plain common sense. Here's my to-do list for starters….

You know it's time to…

…change the sheets when the bed smells like you've been sleeping with Arnold the pig.

…clean the house when your TV begins to look like a Chia Pet and you feel compelled to water it.

…wipe down the handle on the fridge when you can't let go, even when you want to.

…wash the car when you forgot what color it is and you've run out of room to write "wash me" on it one last time.

…let the dog out when she's dancing the maharani by the front door.

You know it's time to…

…turn around and go home from work after being told for the fifth time that you like you are on your deathbed.

…do the laundry when the only clean clothes left to wear are short-shorts, a swimsuit top and it is minus 20 degrees outside.

…buy groceries after eating out so much that your table server knows your computer passwords, your complete medical history and refers to your mother as "Mom."

…start practicing, "Do you want fries with that?" when your boss angrily storms into your office breathing fire.

You know it's time to…

…pull over when there are flashing red lights in your rear view mirror and the police cruiser just shot out your tires.

…get out of the way when your wife resembles Rambo and she's on a mission that involves you.

…keep the lights on and stay up all night after watching the Lady in Black and seeing scary images all around you.

You know it's time to…

…run for cover when your hear thunder directly overhead.

…seek shelter when there's a tornado watch and everything outside is moving sideways, including your '57 roadster.

…go to the basement when there's a tornado warning at the house next door.

…quickly get in the bathtub with your spouse, three children, two dogs and cat when there's a tornado in your backyard, along with your best friend's house which used to be two blocks away.

You know it's time to…

…brush your teeth when they need shaving every other day.

…change your sweatpants when you are mistaken for a coal miner.

…trade in regular for lite when the scales are tipping and your sumo costume doesn't fit anymore.

Finally, you know it's time to…

…make a pie when the rhubarb is ripe.

…whistle "Amazing Grace" when the troops return home.

…fill up while gas is still below four dollars.

…adopt a pet when you feel a calling to visit the pound.

And…

…hug your child just because.

…hug your spouse just because.

…hug your mom just because.

…hug your dad just because.

…hug your grandchildren – just because.

2012 © Copyright Paula Damon.

A resident of Southeast South Dakota, Paula Bosco Damon is a national award-winning columnist. Her writing has won first-place in competitions of the National Federation of Press Women, South Dakota Press Women and Iowa Press Women. In the 2009, 2010 and 2011 South Dakota Press Women Communications Contests, her columns have earned eight first-place awards. To contact Paula, email  boscodamon.paula@gmail, follow her blog at my-story-your-story@blogspot.com and find her on FaceBook.

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